*speechless*

MATT BELLAMY GRABBED MY HAND LAST NIGHT.

(There will be a proper blog about the gig later, I just wanted to post this)

Update, because I'm rubbish

Hi guys!

Sorry I haven't been writing more. Haven't really had the inclination to be honest! But I'm back :)

Wow, it's been an eventful couple of months. Reading back in August, which was amazing as ever ^__^ Managed to see some of my favourite bands ever & fall in love even more with music. The Cure were absolutely incredible - it was a joy to watch them. Lullaby, Lovesong & Just Like Heaven were beyond perfection. Saw Feeder on the Festival Republic stage & they were, of course, epic. Played all of the popular songs, with a few new ones thrown in - two months later, I can still hear everyone chanting the intro to Buck Rogers, urging them to play it. When they did, the tent fair exploded. And then I saw Foo Fighters. Too many words to describe them. Dave Grohl was...amazing, the set list inspired. When Dave Grohl dedicated These Days to Kurt, I welled up. The emotion in the crowd was palpable. They then finished on Everlong - the perfect ending to a perfect weekend of music.

Unfortunately, since then, things have gone downhill.

On Friday 21st September, my incredible grandma passed away from a pulmonary embolism. She'd been in a home for a few months before and, luckily, I'd managed to see her the week before. My mum had been  reading to her and she was just...happy. That is the memory I'll keep of her. I'll always remember having dinner at her house on a Monday after school - me & my sister would banish my brother to the kitchen to watch Pokemon and we'd be in the living room watching Byker Grove or Grange Hill, and then we'd have dinner, which would inevitably be some kind of pie, with home-made pastry and roasties. We'd talk about our day and Grandma would listen with the endless patience she always had. Just little memories like that. That's how I'll remember her her.

Now...things should be getting better.

This weekend, we're going to the Lake District, staying in a gorgeous little village called Bassenthwaite. Neil, who I mentioned in my previous post, was an avid walker - so my family & his family and some other close friends are going up there for the weekend. And then his ashes are going to be sprinkled on Helvellyn, which is pretty amazing. Me & my mum aren't though (both of us have problems with our knees, so it wouldn't really be sensible!) - so instead, we're going to potter around for the day. These pictures are why I'm looking forward to it:

That is Bassenthwaite Lake. Beautiful, innit?

So that's this week.

Then two weeks tomorrow, I'm seeing Muse again :D And I am MASSIVELY excited. I might also be seeing them the next day in  London, to see them do a live recording for Radio 2. That would be INCREDIBLE.

And lastly, at the beginning of November, I'm going up to Belper to have, what will inevitably be, a very drunken weekend with people I work with at Reading & people who work at Leeds, Latitude & Big Chill. It's going to be much-o fun-o.

ANYWAY.

Hope you enjoyed :D

In a reflective mood...

Well, hi, everyone. I do apologise for not writing sooner. There is not much going on in my life that I feel has been worthy of a blog post. Until now.

On Thursday morning, a long-term family friend, Neil, passed away of cancer. It started last year, in his pancreas. It then spread like a wildfire through a lot of his body, until it finally took him over. It feels odd to be writing this. Neil, even though he lived in Essex, was ever present. If we held a party, we would always invite him & his wife Lesley. My parents went on walking holidays with them all the time, even when the cancer was tightening it's vile, malicious grip. It feels odd knowing that we will never see him again. Never see him doting on his beloved dog Libby, or laughing with my parents.

The last time I saw him was in March. I couldn't get over how healthy, how full of life he looked. The last time I had seen him before that was on New Years Eve and he looked a shadow of his former self. Then to see him looking so...healthy shocked us all. We all knew the cancer was terminal. We all thought he had at least 6 months left in him. But then it was found in April that the cancer had spread to his duodenum. He couldn't eat. He couldn't drink. My parents went up to see him last weekend and to hear how close this vibrant, life-loving man was to succumbing to this awful disease was heart-breaking. We then got the news, early on Thursday morning, that he had passed away. It's hard to see your parents cry, to hear the grief in their voices.

This got me to thinking. We moan about our jobs. We cry over men. We spend hours & hours doing things like this without thinking that the vast majority of us have something that so many people out there crave - the opportunity to live, the knowledge that there isn't something dark hovering over us, waiting to eat us whole. So, I have made a vow. Not to moan about my job. Not to moan about being single. But to embrace life. Whether this means going travelling, taking that one leap of faith and telling someone how you feel about them or finally getting that dream job, the one you are eager to get to every morning, I don't know. But all I know is that I no longer want to wallow in self pity, as has been my wont recently.

So this is my message to everyone. Go out there and live and be thankful for every day you have.

My future home...

The Home Decor page on Pinterest is my porn..

The top one is definitely my favourite...it looks so cosy ^__^

(P.S. Sorry for the lack of blogging recently...I have just started a new job role at work and it's left me too bushed to do anything other than sleep and tweet)

Snow Patrol - LIVE :D

There are too many words to describe how incredible this gig was. Having never seen Snow Patrol live before, I didn't know what to expect. Man, I wasn't disappointed.

Got to the BIC at just past 5, having gone straight from work. Chatted with some lovely people in the queue (who, by the way, I hope I'm as cool as when I'm their age) and finally got let in at about half 6. I will always maintain that the walk from the doors to the barrier feels like the longest walk of your life. But I got there. Right on the barrier, just to the right of the middle. What a place. 

Everything Everything came on at 7:45 - one of the best support bands I've ever seen (apart from Hurts...Hurts were awesome). Dressed  in matching grey jumpsuits, they launched into what I can only describe as electronica/indie/disco madness. They were absolutely amazing. The lead singer, Jonathan Higgs, has a voice that cannot be described, nor would anyone be able to mimic it. His range is incredible - falsetto notes were hit with no problem, though they would make his diction go to shit. The bassist,  Jeremy Pritchard, treated his bass like I hope he would never treat a woman - slapped it like a good 'un and threw it around the stage with gay abandon (he was also a bit gorgeous - quiffed, slender and beautiful).

They left the stage at around 8:30 and there was a flurry of activity on stage, ripping away guitars, keyboards & drumkits at the speed of light. Everything Everything's banner came down and revealed, what looked like, a relatively simple set up (apart from the sheer amount of everything) on a slightly raised platform, in front of a plain black backdrop.

As the time edged closer and closer to 9pm, the atmosphere in the arena grew to fever pitch. An excited buzz of conversation, a few excited whoops here and there. Then the music, which had been a pleasant background noise, got turned suddenly up, with Franz Ferdinand's Take Me Out blasting out over the speakers.

As the last notes of that faded out, the lights went down and, what had looked like a plain black backdrop, burst into colour - a massive screen behind the stage, flashing random images. The band on the platform took to the stage first, playing the opening notes of I'll Never Let Go. Then Nathan Connolly, Paul Wilson and a skinny, lanky Gary Lightbody took to the stage, Lightbody tightly hugging the stage-hand that had shone their way onto the stage. He grabbed the mic from the stand and suddenly bent double, staggering, swaying. Then the opening line of I'll Never Let Go escaped his lips - as perfect and as pure as the record. And from that moment on, I had a smile on my face that I didn't lose until I fell asleep. The rest of the crowd seemed as enraptured as I, singing the lyrics back to him, the collective power of our WHOAs seeming to almost knock Gary off balance. As the end of the song came around, he staggered over to Nathan Connolly and put an arm around his neck - and forehead to forehead, they sang the last minute of the song.

A roar went up as the song finished and the always effervescent Lightbody, a huge smile on his face, turned to the crowd and in his beautiful Irish lilt "A'right, Bournemouth, how're ye doin'?! This is Take Back The City". And with that they launched into the hit from A Hundred Million Songs that got the crowd bouncing, and left us breathless and exhilarated. Finishing that, they went straight into Hands Open - it must've been a picture, seeing us from that stage - 6000 odd people, all with hands outstretched and, indeed, open, singing every single lyric back at them. Then they took it back down again with another single from their new album - This Isn't Everything You Are - easily one of my favourite tracks from Fallen Empires. As the guitar & piano led in the song, I found myself with tears in my eyes. Not because the track is overly sad - but because I was there and I was watching it and I was watching them. Singing every single word, I wanted to burst with happiness. Then they took it back down one more notch with Run, possibly the song that everyone associates Snow Patrol with, hence how they get their boring reputation - but they proved everyone wrong with this song. Lightbody couldn't get a word in edgeways - we were singing the first verse for him. A huge smile on his face, he took his place back at the mic for the chorus, wanting to get the song back. 

"Light up, light up as if you have a choice - even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you, dear"

As the song ended, and the cheers died down from the crowd he stated "I saw a lot of smiles on faces during that song - and that's a hard thing to achieve!" and pointing out a man in the crowd "You win this round sir!" for having the biggest grin on his face. They then went into Crack the Shutters - another song I adore. And then they played In The End, another song from Fallen Empires - a song the crowd adored and, despite it being new and relatively near the end of the album, sang every word, every syllable, along with the band.

Next, they played Set The Fire To The Third Bar - and managed to find the perfect person to fill the shoes of Martha Wainwright. Their voices curled round each other, tangled, complimenting each other. 

For the life of me, I cannot remember what the backing singer's name was - but she was fantastic. Hitting every note perfectly, she was incredible to watch and to listen to. The Garden Rules came up next - with Gary proclaiming it his favourite record he's ever written - and you can see why. Its simplicity is what makes it beautiful. With just a guitar, a piano and his voice, it makes it one of the most perfect songs I've ever seen performed. Next up was Shut Your Eyes - again, nothing less than fantastic. Near the end of the song, the band kept going, with just a bit of a backing track. Gary Lightbody then walked the stage, proclaiming that one of the best forms of therapy was shouting "YES!" as loud as you can. So we did. He then encouraged us all to finish the song with him - all 6000 of us singing "Shut your eyes and sing to me" over and over. Then the beautiful guitars that herald the beginning of Chasing Cars came in and man, did everyone go a bit mental. Again, he didn't have the chance to sing the chorus - we all sang it for him.

Then came Chocolate - my absolute favourite Snow Patrol song - and I sang like my life depended on it. From Final Straw, it is one of the songs that pulled me up from the depths of grief after my cousin died - it will always hold a special place in my heart. That was then quickly followed by Called Out In The Dark - the audience chanting the chorus of "We are listening and we're not blind" like a mantra. Fallen Empires, the title track from the album, came up next - Nathan Connolly playing what looked like a mandolin (I could be mistaken!) which was quickly taken over by synths and the drummer getting up and playing a massive kettle drum. It was fantastic, and mad, the lighting reflecting this - mental, strobing - pretty damn awesome. 

Finishing the song, they said their thank you's, as if the next song was the last, and launched into You're All I Have. Gary seemed to enjoy performing this one the most - when he wasn't making amazing sounds coming out of his guitar, he bounced around the stage - as he sang the line "There is a darkness deep in you - a frightening magic I cling to", he seemed to stop and take a minute just to gaze out at the crowd. Then as the guitars crashed back in, he was back to reality and singing his lungs out. They left the stage to rapturous applause - only to come back on for the expected encore two minutes later. This time, only Gary, Nathan and the piano player came back to the stage. A single spotlight on Gary, he stood centre stage with just an acoustic guitar and played Lifening. This is another one of my favourite songs from Fallen Empires. It's simple, but the lyrics are beautiful - "this is all I've ever wanted from life" never seemed truer than at that moment. Next, from Eyes Open, was Open Your Eyes. I love this song - the simple guitars for a minute, then the drums, building it up, Gary Lightbody's beautiful voice earnest and filled with longing. The rest of the guitars crashed in and Gary was catapulting himself round the stage, going over to join Nathan, and then Paul and then back to the mic to sing the last, beautiful seconds.

Last, but by no means least, was Just Say Yes. And it was the perfect song to go out on. Did I neglect to mention that they had a giant snow flake above the stage? Well, they did. And it strobed with the beats of the song, flashing up pictures of the band, the crowd. As Gary sang "Please take my hand", all you could see were hands outstretched towards him, willing to be that person who would. As the song slowed down, Lightbody came and sat at the edge of the stage, about 3 feet away from me - everyone reaching out for him. An exhausted smile on his face, his lilting tones turned all the women in the audience to mush. As the song resumed it's normal pace, he was back on his feet, no longer bouncing around the stage as he had been, but still ever the showman. 

The song ended and the band, obviously exhausted, stumbled off-stage, shouting thank you's at the audience, Nathan Connolly throwing his plectrums into the crowd, Paul Wilson following suit. The lights stayed down and on two "arms" of the snow flake were scrawled the words "Snow Patrol <3 Bournemouth"

I stumbled out of the arena, an ecstatic smile still on my face. I phoned my dad and found my voice was hoarse from all the cheering and singing I'd been doing. 

I can honestly say that this gig was one of the best I've ever been to. And that's saying a lot. The pride that the band showed and the utter joy in the way they performed was incredible to see. The crowd interaction was amazing, the set-list inspired. If anyone says to you that Snow Patrol are boring - they've obviously never seen them live.

This is a band that I've been a fan of for almost 8 years. I can't believe it took me so long to get to see them live. But it was well worth the wait. This is a concert that I won't forget for a very, very long time.

Happy days :)

So, today has marked a monumental turning point for me...for the last five years, I have been so crippled with doubt and paranoia about everyone staring at my "problem" that I've had to wear make-up everywhere...even if it was to go to the shop when hungover, I would still put on full make-up.

Today...I didn't. And I'm SO happy that I haven't. And yes, I have left the house.

This honestly fills me with more confidence than I've ever had. This shows that my treatment is actually WORKING. I've still got five more appointments to go and I've got such a good feeling about it ^__^

Something to hide?

OK, so I may have exaggerated when I said this blog post "might make some of you think less of me". I'll elaborate - any immensely shallow people who read this blog might think less of me. To be fair, I think you're all lovely, not overly judgemental people, so I'll probably be OK ;) This is something I've never blogged about before - I've never even told my friends about this. This is immensely personal.

First, let me give you a bit of a history. Since I was about 14 years old, I've suffered from PCOS - Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. Believe me when I say, it's a bitch - just when us women thought "OK, we've got periods and childbirth, we can handle that - no more", Mother Nature gets her time of the month and decides to throw PCOS in there just to make the lives of the unlucky minority just that bit worse. Inexplicable pain around "that time", increased chance of infertility and - the bane of my life - hirsuitism. Wikipedia describes this as "the excessive hairiness on women in those parts of the body where terminal hair does not normally occur or is minimal" - sounds awful, doesn't it? It is. Since the age of 14, this has been my life. And it has been horrific.  In my case, it's on my neck and my chin - it's not as bad as others I've seen, but it's still horrible to deal with. There used to be so many times I turned things down, made up excuses to avoid going out - all to avoid people seeing it.

I have since matured - learnt to hide it, learnt to live with it. The way I see it, it's a part of me - it's been a part of me for 9 years. This does not, by any stretch of the imagination, mean I don't still hate this thing. This is the reason it takes me ages to get ready to go anywhere, the reason I wear quite a bit of make-up, the reason I constantly wear scarves. I would love for this not to be the case anymore - I've seen my face without make-up and my skin is pretty damn gorgeous , even if I say so myself - apart from the problem area.

So, dear readers, I decided to do something about it. Well, my mum & aunty did, but I want SOME of the credit please. You've all heard of Groupon, right? Well, basically, my aunty found a "Groupon" for reduced IPL treatment - intense pulsed light. It's similar to laser treatment - but faster and cheaper. It's basically a specially constructed xenon flash lamp and focusing optics (thanks Wikipedia!). An intense beam of light is applied to the area - that is then converted to heat and burns the root and the entire shaft of the hair.  I had my first session tonight - it bloody hurt! Imagine someone flicking your face over and over again with an elastic band...that kind of pain. Not agonising, but just irritating. But all the time I was thinking how worth it it's going to be - it's not going to be a cure all, it's not going to permanantly remove the hair, just reduce it - but that's what I want. I can't wait to be able to wake up next to someone and not have the first thought be - "Shit, my chin!". Can't wait not to have to spend at least £50 a month, if not more, on make-up to conceal it. The pain is worth it if I'm going to be able to have a close to normal life.

This has actually been one of the hardest posts I've ever had to write. I have never written anything so personal before! So, I hope you all enjoyed it :)